How to Get Your Life Back After A Tragic Experience
5 Steps to rebuild a life of purpose.
Every now and then I have to sit down and think about the past years to put things in perspective.
I dropped out of law, even though I have a Master’s degree in Business Administration. I didn’t start my own business, although I once thought I would.
I have the dream of publishing a book someday. I remember how excited I was at the idea of being a New York Times bestselling author, a dream I see as an illusion. Yet I remain optimistic that one day I will reach the level of some of my mentors.
I’ve never had the discipline to stick to my habits. I’ve been an unserious person since childhood, so I found it hard to commit to anything, even in relationships.
Anyone who feels unhappy with their situation should ask themselves why they think the world sees them in a certain way.
The way we look, dress, talk, walk, and act are all things that make us normal, that make us ourselves. And as cheesy as it sounds — everyone is unique, which is what makes it normal.
The only one who criticizes all of our efforts is us, and unless we remember that the reason we don’t like parts of who we are is that we choose to have that opinion.
Until we change this mindset, we will never learn to accept who we are meant to be.
“An exciting and inspiring future awaits you beyond the noise in your mind, beyond the guilt, doubt, fear, shame, insecurity and heaviness of the past you carry around.” — Debbie Ford
Insecure people feel the need to hide from the world and avoid people who can aggravate their wounds of insecurity, point out their flaws, and validate their negative emotions around those imperfections.
That was me a few years ago. I didn’t believe in myself. It was the time I wallowed in self-doubt. But that doesn’t mean I’m the same today.
When I look back and see myself, I feel like I am a completely different person.
One thought changed my life forever, and that is to start believing in myself. I know this may sound too cliché to believe. But it is the truth.
My own thoughts became the enemy and I let them win. Every aspect of my life has become an unconscious struggle, and I lost every time. Only because I chose to see the world this way.
I decided to let my thoughts influence my reality because I couldn’t be myself around others.
Suppose we change the way we think about ourselves, stop criticizing all of our movements, and learn to accept ourselves as we are?
I started with self-help sessions. The positive affirmations I wrote in my journal helped me get to know myself a little bit better.
I started dealing with my negative emotions. I started to understand myself. I realized that most of my self-esteem issues were as a result of running away from my real self.
In this case, it will show in our body language how comfortable we are with ourselves, and we will not project the energy of someone who is afraid of others.
Here’s how I reinvented myself by investing in my mental health. I’m sure these habits will also help you build your confidence when you hit rock bottom.
1. Self-love means not seeking approval from others.
Shortly after high school. I have had an accident that left me disabled for a while. That was nineteen years ago. My life had just shattered before my eyes.
I had just ended a three-year relationship after finding out that I might never walk again — but I did. A story for another day.
I felt lost, hurt and on top of that, I was unemployed and had a 3-month-old baby to take care of. I struggled with depression.
In those four years, I never realized how bad things were before I ended the relationship.
I started to get out of control, but I felt like I was in control. I was angry with everyone about my tragedy except myself. I kept asking myself “why me?”
Fast-forward to today and I am happy, loved, supported, honestly, and truly connected to my cause.
How did I get here? How do you go from a life of self-destruction to a life of love?
Yes, I have created my destructive life. And yes, I blamed the world around me for my struggles when I should have looked inside. Simply put, I didn’t love myself enough to create a good life.
Honestly, I didn’t believe I was worth living a good life and when good things came my way, I sabotaged them.
I realized I had the power to change my life; I had to take ownership and start building the kind of life I wanted to live, and it all started with self-love.
“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” — Lucille Ball
When you love yourself, you take care of your body and your well-being. You will eat better. You move your body out of respect for your body.
Because your body works so hard to keep you alive and allow you to live your life, you take care of it in return.
You prioritize personal care because your mental well-being is just as important as your physical well-being.
If you respect yourself, others will respect you too.
When you truly love yourself, you set the standard for accepting quality love in return. You have a low tolerance for people who don’t like or respect you.
Self-love also increases your confidence. Because you love and embrace everything you are, you are not insecure or ashamed. You show what you have.
You feel beautiful, you feel powerful. You keep your head high and you enjoy life more.
2. Deflate ego with self-meditation.
Ego is what drives us up the corporate ladder, yes. Just as ego makes us work harder, it can also keep us from having a peaceful life. Like everything else, it is both good and bad.
Often ego and selfishness are linked. This is because a lot of people with big egos treat others as trash as well. These people are all about themselves.
As my late father used to say, “pride comes before a fall.” In my quest to feel love, I noticed that I had to get rid of my ego.
I had a tendency to always be right. If you have forgotten something, I will point it out to you. If you wronged me, I will chastise you.
In my pain, I blamed others for my frustration. I attacked anyone who dared to point out the wrongs I did. My bad temper got the better of me.
Interestingly, once I thought about it, I never felt better in the long run when I was right. It was a quick fix, like eating chocolate or drinking alcohol. Once the buzz had exhausted, I was left with my point of view.
Here’s the thing: we all have egos.
What’s important is that we don’t let them get the best out of us. We all want to make our lives even better — that’s what ego is good for.
At the same time, ego is about improving yourself, not harming others with your selfish actions. We just have to keep the ego in check; we still need it at the end of the day.
“The bigger your heart, the more you love, the more you control your life. The bigger your ego, the more you’re scared, the more others control your life.” — Maxime Lagacé
Meditation can help manage these feelings. With this, you take the time every day to realize that you are alive. You have a body, and if you are lucky, it is a healthy body. It is much more important what promotions you got in life.
The fight, estrangement, or pain I caused other people was rarely worth it.
The feelings of sadness and loneliness I experienced made being right less satisfying.
I think now before I speak. I wonder if my words and actions will serve me to express and receive love. If not, then I adjust my behavior or at best wait a bit to see if this is something I think I should be doing.
The lessons reminded me to “be” love instead of seeing love as a separate entity. Humanism has known this for a long time.
When I live in a state of love, it opens me up to joy and calm.
Remember that when you feel love, it is also impossible to feel hate at the same time.
I think of all the emotions that pulled me down when I let anger, disappointment, and sadness take over.
Now that I have the insight and choice to focus on the higher state of being, I usually live in positivity.
If you hurt me, does that mean I won’t be mad at you?
Of course not. It just means that I can choose whether your behavior disappoints me. And if so, for how long?
3. Having a positive attitude takes away stress.
I lived my life repeating patterns of chaos, turmoil, and turmoil throughout most of my teenage years.
I was worried about past things and stressed about future events. However, the most interesting finding I learned was how often I was worried for a reason.
Fear was my unwanted friend. She followed me everywhere I went. I began to notice that the fear came first; then I would name the reasons instead of the other way around.
It became increasingly clear.
If I wanted to achieve peace in my life, I should train it. The realization was the easiest part. Practicing it has become my life goal.
As difficult as it may sound, there is some truth to it. Positive thinking can reduce your stress level, help you feel better about yourself -and the situation- and improve your overall well-being and outlook.
It is amazing to see the power of our mind over everything in our life. A simple positive effect on a situation can turn an obstacle into an opportunity.
Not only will you have more enthusiasm for life, but your immune system will also be better able to fight off colds and heart disease!
The only problem is that being positive isn’t always easy and in some circumstances more difficult than in others.
Identify the things you say to yourself and about yourself, and replace those statements with positive affirmations.
For example, don’t say, “I’m so fat and ugly,” say, “My body is capable of great things. I appreciate that.”
You can reprogram yourself and your thinking by using positive affirmations on a regular basis. This will help make positive thinking happen automatically.
Over time, you will have to think less consciously about it with each new situation.
It can take a long time to stop talking negatively about yourself, so be patient with yourself. Take it one step at a time, eventually, you will make a big change in your life.
4. Learn to forgive even when you are the victim.
It was not easy for me. I have always been the type to hold a grudge, no matter how little the offense may be.
Holding a grudge is like carrying the person you’re angry with on your back. They are with you wherever you go.
They are heavy. But you cannot put them down because you are invested in your story of how they are responsible for all your pain.
I know many people will say that others are not worth forgiving. What they did was unforgivable. That you have the right to never forgive.
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” — Gandhi
Not only do you have the right, but you also have the choice never to forgive. But if you don’t, you will reduce your vital energy.
People who forgive do not become vulnerable to people who have harmed them or intend to harm them.
Forgiveness involves seeing people as they are, both good and bad, while letting go of the spiritually corrupted negative emotions that haunt us and keep us from sleeping at night, wasting our energy that can be turned into better use.
Anger and resentment are the two strongest emotions that can tie you to your past and keep you stuck.
It’s time to forgive … Forgive others and forgive yourself. Let go and give yourself permission to move on.
5. Pay attention to the friends you keep.
I strive to be kind to everyone I know. People feel accepted and loved by me because I embrace them warmly.
Although I associate with a lot of people, I pay a lot of attention to who I connect with.
The people I call my friends are people I can trust. They live their lives with integrity. My friends have similar moral standards and beliefs as mine.
I don’t expect perfection from my friends, but rather a genuine effort to live the way they think is right.
That said, we still have the bad eggs. These people seem to drain us, but we are still friends with them because they have a nice TV or because we are bored.
Unfortunately, they have to be cut off for our emotional health. They don’t do us any good and we know — we just ignore it to maintain consistency and avoid awkward situations.
Maintaining distant relationships with people I consider negative influences is easy for me. I’m free from the pressure of getting close to someone just to be polite.
Today, I choose to respect myself enough to raise the standards for my friendships. I connect with the positive people in my life and distance myself from negative influences.
Do your mental health a favor and tear the band-aid off. You will be happier in the long run.
Spending time with your friends can improve your life. Be social with the people who enrich your life as often as possible.
Final Thoughts
Since I followed these habits, I have flourished. I have more remarkable moments of peace, love, and connection that I am grateful for.
It’s hard to change the patterns we repeat throughout our lives, but it’s a fulfilling journey. I am finally becoming the person I always wanted to be.
So use your mistakes like a sword instead of armor. Treat setbacks as an opportunity to believe in yourself more instead of doubting and sulking.
Life is too short to sit back and embrace self-doubts. It will only make you miserable.
Do you have any more ideas? I’d love to hear them. Let me know what motivates you in the comments. If you would like to support my work, Like and Share this post to help more people see it.