Let Them Show You Who They Are—Then Believe Them

What I’ve learned from the “Let Them” theory.

I have discovered that the most powerful thing a woman can do for herself is to release her expectations of people.

Expectations are burdens we carry around and when people don’t meet the expectations we have of them, we get depressed, anxious and disconnected.

We create one boundary after another just to protect our expectations when people disappoint us or don’t meet the standards we have of them.

We lose our power of decisiveness when we believe someone else has to fulfil something to make us feel good or safe.

For example, if I expect Kara to be kind and understanding to me but Kara is naturally selfish. I will see her selfishness as a character flaw that needs to be fixed.

I might try to change Kara– make her see how much her attitude hurt others, and encourage her to show compassion towards people.

By trying to change Kara, I’m giving away my power to walk away. A decision that should have protected my mental space. Because we know being friends with selfish people is exhausting.

There’s no sense in being friends with someone who only thinks of themselves first in everything.

So the logical thing to do will be to remove such a person from your circle since their personality doesn’t align with yours.

You don’t want to prioritize someone who doesn’t make you their priority.

Photo by Freepik

However, the way we enforce our power in friendships is quite different from how we enforce it in romantic relationships.

It’s easier to walk away from your platonic friends when their character doesn’t align with yours. But for someone you love, you give them a second, third or fourth chance to change.

Some will even give up the idea of waking away believing it’s their responsibility to mother and raise their love quest.

This explains why we see a lot of women settle into relationships with the wrong men.

But men, walk away quicker because their first instinct is not nurture. A man will walk immediately if the woman’s character is off.

Men know how to enforce their power of decisiveness much better than women. And that’s because they have no expectations when they ask the woman out.

Men allow you to show them who you are and they walk away the moment they know they cannot put up with your energy.

By allowing people to show you who they are, you reduce the time and resources you should have invested in them.

The burden of knowing what you want is not what the other person wants can be frustrating. You feel sad and confused when your expectation fails, while the other person carries on with their life as if nothing happened.

Just recently, I did a 360 on my expectations of people. I stopped controlling how people should behave around me and guess what? It’s been incredibly liberating.

My friend, Rach, was surprised when I didn’t show up at her housewarming party.

I heard it was a party strictly on invites only. I didn’t get any invitation so I didn’t go.

She saw me the next day and asked why I didn’t come. I told her I wasn’t invited. She was startled. She tried to make an argument that we were friends and that I didn’t need an invite to attend her party.

You see, there was this chance she may have uninvited on purpose if she didn’t want me there. If I had gone it would have been embracing to get bounced for not having my RSVP. Right?

So, I simply told her I will be there the next time she invites me and that ended the conversation.

The best part was that I spent the night cleaning my laundry room. Something I have been putting off for months.

The other day I was having a conversation with my business partner. He was having some issues with his partner and had been sleeping in the office for a while now.

I told him to get his life together. Either fix his problem at home or check into a hotel. But he needed to stop sleeping in the office.

He got angry and said I being too bossy.

I hate when people say I’m bossy. I should have been angry but I let it slide. I cannot control how people feel about me. Trying to argue his opinion of me will appear as if I’m justifying what he said.

I expected my partner to see the errors in his behavior and understand why I was concerned. He’s been snapping at our workers and missing appointments, which doesn’t boost his reputation or that of our business.

If my being bossy was because I was protecting our company’s image, I can accept that. His opinion of me wasn’t worth getting myself worked up.

When you let people do what they want and say how they feel, they tend to resolve any issues they have better.

We need to stop being sensitive about everything.

So if your friend is struggling at their job, let them. If someone stops talking to you, let them. If they forget to invite you to lunch, let them. If they gossip about you behind your back, let them.

When you let people be themselves, and figure things out by themselves, you give them the opportunity to discover who they really are and you will have a healthier relationship with them after they’ve walked that self-discovery journey alone.

Expectations give us something to look forward to, but they shouldn’t be the pin that holds us together.

I decided to let go of my expectations because I know that real life can be messy, complicated, and frustrating — and that’s okay. But my life now has become so much more peaceful than my half-formed expectations.

We don’t often get what we want in life as we plan them. Sometimes it can be exciting to be knocked off your axis and you learn the lessons and move on.

This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have standards. When you know who you are and what you cannot accept into your life, you do not need someone to fill any void.

In other words, you do not need to control anyone to be who they are not. You have the power to distance yourself from anyone who doesn’t match your frequency.

But knowing when to use that power is what the Let Them Theory shows you. It reminds you that certain things are out of your control.

So the next time someone acts differently than you, let them! It’s their life, not yours.

Ready to begin your reset journey? Stay subscribed for more mini resets, workouts, and wellness inspiration in your inbox. Your reset doesn’t need to be perfect—just consistent. Start small. Show up. Reset again next week.