Losing Them Was Hard—But Losing Yourself Was Worse

How I reclaimed my self-worth and started thriving again.

You should be grateful you have me,” he said. You are too broken to be fixed, he said. The only person on your side is me, he said.

Your life will be worthless without me, he said. Your greatest mistake will be a life without me, he said. I’m the only one who loves you, and you know it, he said.

I believed him.

He was right. He was my world. I loved him more than my life. He gave my dreams wings. He showed me places only birds could see.

Life was full of possibilities being with him. My decisions revolve around him.

He was the most calming and endearing man I had ever met. He was like the stars, giving light to everything he touched. How could my heart not illuminate at his words?

Call me stupid, but when you are in love, everything seems magical.

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I wasn’t just captivated by his words. His touch gave a lingering mesmerizing sensation. Watching him flip to the monster I saw that day was shocking.

His masculine torso pinned me down with my hands above my head and my back against the wall as he spoke with such ferocity that he could wake the dead.

Fred was too controlling. He had little tantrums that would put me off. As much as he inspired me, he never failed to remind me how I would have been nothing without him. Hearing that always made me feel vulnerable.

He would insist I follow his advice and do what he said. Slowly I started relying on his judgment before making any decisions about my life.

All that became an illusion when I finally met someone who saw me as I am. Someone who showed me what true love really was. Someone who didn’t criticize me or made fun of my weaknesses.

Someone who guarded my secret as his even after we broke up.

Starting over can feel overwhelming—I know that pain firsthand. I’ve faced failed plans, setbacks, and moments that nearly broke me. What helped me heal was journaling. Putting my fears, anger, and regrets on paper gave me clarity and peace. If you're ready to reset, you can grab my journal and free weekly planner. It’s time to let go, refocus, and begin your next chapter—just one click away.

How to strengthen your weaker side

I admit that trauma robs us of our happiness.

We mask our pain and pretend as if nothing happened. When someone hurts me, I put on a bright face and somehow try to keep moving forward.

But it shouldn’t be. We have the right to break down and cry our hearts out. You are allowed to throw yourself on the floor, tear up, and beat your chest until you have exhausted your energy.

You don’t have to pretend to be brave.

What isn’t cool is to allow your pain to drown you in a deep abyss. Lash out all you want but when it’s time to pick yourself up, make sure you do so without holding back.

In case you need help with regaining your self-worth after trauma, here are my three simple rules to get you started.

Appreciate the little things

The first step towards discovering your self-worth is to become aware of your present, i.e., think of the things you already have. Think of what you have achieved and the relationships you have cherished.

We often start to change ourselves and be like the people who we think are better than us. This is nothing but just a waste of mental and physical energy.

You must start to feel peace with what you have and about the situation, which is beyond our control.

Acknowledging the present means being grateful for what you have. It can be done by making a list of things for which you are grateful. This practice must be done in the early morning. Write at least five things daily for which you are thankful.

Discover your true values

Our values ​​are like a map for life. They help us navigate through life’s many difficulties and obstacles so that we can achieve our destiny and goals, whatever they may be.

Unfortunately, many of us end up trying to get through life without a card. Knowing your values ​​is like discovering a map when you are lost in nature.

It won’t magically solve all your problems, but it will help you navigate them with confidence and skill.

Everything that is hidden inside you will benefit from the light of discovering your values. If you find negative things, such as fears, doubts, or negative traits, your values will help you deal with them accordingly.

Be confident in your own skin

When we are in tremendous emotional pain, the result is likely that we are resisting our current reality. And the sad truth is that we think our life sucks because we compare it to others.

Confidence is a huge part of being mentally strong. Being confident is a great sign of self-love, and it helps us to stay away from comparing. We are happy in our skin and at peace in our minds.

Being confident is a great comfort. We can always go the extra mile by sharing our confidence with others, but being confident is a personal accomplishment at the end of the day.

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